It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
