You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
