Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
