I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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