Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
don't judge my taste in strippers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
