Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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