Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
