i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
