Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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