Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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