im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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