My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk is not a location!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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