You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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