Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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