oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
