...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
