wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
