My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
