i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize