They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He shit in the fireplace
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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