Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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