Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
