just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
