A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
