so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
