You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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