I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
