There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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