I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
