Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
