I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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