I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
