Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
