the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
