Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
