We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
operation have a gay friend backfired
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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