im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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