OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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