Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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