A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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