my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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