weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
