i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
