True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!