It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.