Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im holly from the hills drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?