I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
