Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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