He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
