do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
