watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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