If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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