I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
