her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
