you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
