the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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