fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
