I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
