FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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