after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
