Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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