Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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