I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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