Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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